The Republic of Who?

I once worked at a paper recycling facility where old books passed regularly on the sort line. We were supposed to let them all go. No great loss in most cases. But once in a while, a truly great book would cry out to me in a meek little voice: 'Please, David! Save me from the gas chamber! Pl-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ease...' One such work was The Republic of Plato. Yes, I received my philosophy degree from the University of Drudgery. You may consider that my employers never expected a paper sorter to have the slightest interest in books. Such an interest would only get in the way. And I don't mind apologizing to them for any inadvertent deception on my part. I just need money. But reading a sort line is practically the reverse of reading a book. You must be able to keep your eyes fixed and let the materials slide past you. Sorters earn every penny of their pay, let me tell you. What an eye opener that book was after I took it home and began leafing through its well worn pages. Has any Republican had a look at this? I think they just saw the parts they agree with, the parts which were more the consequence of living in antiquity under the domination of the ancient military power of Sparta. Plato was full of praise for the selfless Spartan citizens, all willing to surrender their self-determination in exchange for the security of a well established life path set out for them by their superiors, including mandatory mating for everyone by age eighteen, a little more than what our current government is offering. Some of Plato's principles, delivered in the character of his teacher, Socrates, are followed by the modern republics. The class system is there: bronze, silver, and gold. The highest judicial offices are populated by appointment and subject to income limits. We even have, as I see it, modern myths to create a common bond among common folk. Where things start to stray from the blueprint is in how the elite group is chosen. Plato wanted rulers who could be trusted. For this reason he went into great detail to describe the kind of human being who was most fit for leadership. He did not confine his curriculum by gender or other superficial characteristics, which is why the term 'platonic' is sometimes used to classify a non-physical friendship between the sexes. (I'll leave the gymnasium reference out this time because it gets the juveniles too excited, especially after talking about mandatory mating.) Above all, it was altruism which, in Plato's estimation, defined a great leader. I believe the metaphor he used in his criticism of tyranny was 'a light that only ever shines in on itself.' Reminds me of Fox News. Do you like Fox News? I hear they're coming out with a movie soon. It starts out with Megan Kelly, played by Queen Victoria, alone, tied down to the entrance of an abortion clinic, screaming for help. A young hippie tries to untie her, but she bites him. Others follow in their turn, but she won't let them untie her. She even screams rape when one of them accidentally uncovers her bloomers. Suddenly Glenn Beck, played by Casper the Friendly Ghost - wait, make that Murphy the Molar - appears in the heavens, riding a winged, Christian unicorn... Well, I don't want to spoil the ending for you. A couple of the funnier parts of the book for me were when one of the characters suggested that too much physical training leads to 'a certain dullness of mind' and when Socrates was describing democracy as something like 'the bright colours and parades that would be attractive to women and children.' That did crack me up, especially that second one. Just the pairing of women and children on the basis of being entranced by bright colours, somehow daytime television sprung to mind, and for a moment, I could have sworn Socrates was tacitly mocking women. His wife was a legendary shrew, I hear, though, nonetheless, faithful to the bitter end. To ensure fidelity (Fox News fans, that has nothing to do with Fidel Castro.) The Republic of Plato makes it plain that all political leaders should be banned for life from owning private property. Sound like the American way? So, Conservatives/Republicans, what do you think Plato would think of the modern republic? Not much, unless you would have us all believe that your money has turned you into Mother Theresas, which I wouldn't put past you even now as the warplanes rake the sky. No wonder you hate philosophy so much. On the other hand, democracy is ranked only a notch above tyranny by Plato's Socrates. Apparently he wouldn't have cared much for the Liberals/Democrats either. Isn't that fair and balanced?
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