Poster Boy

For the last few years, being on the web has not altered my personal life in any drastic way, though sometimes weird things happen which seem to be related. Sometimes I'm walking down the street and a complete stranger will laugh at me on sight. Sometimes it's a group of strangers. Then again, that's been a lifelong problem. But not as often as it's been happening post-web. I don't blame them when I see how my hair looks half the time, but you must understand, those multiple crowns would confound even the very best of Asian female hairdressers in my price range, not that I cared about it. One day I checked a new e-mail address (since cancelled) to see I had fifty-nine messages from women with attached photos. I couldn't access them. I begged the e-mail people to let me see them. They never answered my message. (I was honestly once swarmed by a gang of girls way back in the school yard. Still don't know why that happened. One of them cried, 'Artist!' And they were upon me. They seemed to derive satisfaction from grabbing me and shaking me. It was back when the girls were stronger, so they were able to practically fling me around like a nerf ball.) Most people still take me as a stranger, but sometimes I feel a certain panic when I encounter women in numbers. Probably all in my head. When people want to speak openly about me in my presence, they may make a half-assed attempt to disguise their language. 'I heard he's been bowling a lot.' 'Yes, but his bowling ball was out of tune last time...' I've tried unsuccessfully to get my phone number changed since June 2007 three times for a combined total of about 130 minutes. I've decided I'm going to stay with the number I have. I'm sure it's for the best. Sometimes a tune or a joke comes back at me from a stereo or elsewhere. The people listening might not notice me standing there. I'm not even aware of it myself until much later, thinking back. Of course, the coffee shop staff have the inside scoop on all the local talent. When they smile for me, I know I'm on the right track. When they throw the coffee in my face, probably not. The rewards are there, too. You can tell when folks are happy with you. Very warm feeling all the way around. A cute little girl once told me she liked my super metal. It was the most adorable thing I ever heard in my life. (I recognized her. Same one who, the previous year, leapt up onto my neck from behind and tried to claw my eyes out as her mother looked on and encouraged her. Fickle little tyke. Strong, too.) When I post a song to youtube, the videos it's in rotation with will sometimes show millions of views. Mine hardly ever show any views. Ever. But people will come to my window. When I was posting [to me forgettable] home performances, (though that remains to be seen) I could often not get back in to edit the thing for a while afterwards. Again, these could all be coincidences. I'm not complaining either. On the contrary, overall it's been a peaceful and pleasant time.
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© 2010. Statements by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.